"Guess whos back...back again"

and im up and running again. found my switch and figured out how to turn it off, albeit not completely.
I'll still be there, I'll still be around should you need me
Walk away if you want to. It’s ok, if you need to.....whatever you do, Well, I’ll be two steps behind you
- Def Leppard

recap of things...

decided not to pick her up from work on Tuesday night. thought things through and found my switch. shall juz save the both of us trouble and let things be as it is, although i would really have appreciated it if she at least talked to me about it. well...she probably has her own reasons for not doing that so its ok, no bitterness there. some things are not always as simple as they look.

anyway, went to my frens condo to play soccer instead. its sort of our weekly event, one night a week, at the basketball court at his place, with our frens and a group of late 20's early 30's. i really enjoyed myself man. havent touch a ball since early oct coz of exams. woohoo!!

hmm...somehow we always seem to beat them without much difficulty...hahaha...damn. should be humble. its not like we are really good but they are not lousy as well. lets juz put it this way:

they are bigger but we are faster
they are taller but we can jump higher
they are older and more experienced but we are fitter and have more movement

something like that.

fast forward to wed night. went out with a couple of buds for a chat, but 2 of our fave waitresses were not working. sad. haha...*wink*
one of my buds took his bike to JB for some mods earlier in the day so in the end, decided to go do a bit of rounding. one colt, one sunny, one phantom. 3 different vehicles, one thing common: all 3 contained illegal mods!! hahaha....the extent guys go to for cheap thrills.

anyway, for some weird reason, they decided to head to changi airport again so, whatever, drive on! all 3 parked at different places so we agreed on a meeting point near suntec before zooming our way down. in the end, due to some miscomm, they proceeded without me while i waited there. haha...idiots.
i had to speed all the way to catch up with them, but it was fun. always enjoyed rounding with frens. its so fun. guys and their toys.

afterwards, one of our van-driving fren came to join us. he had some time to spare before meeting his gf so met up for a while. had sub-way at the airport. dint know theres a branch there. havent eaten that in years already. yeah i know, im suaku.

drove on to ecp and then to bedok jetty after makan. took a while to find it coz i havent been there since 2 years back n they rest dint know where it was either, but we had fun exploring.

realised that the place had changed a little since then but nonetheless still a damn good place for dates. plenty of shimmering glittering stars in the sky, aeroplanes flying by, sound of the waves, in the middle of the sea, away from the rest of civilisation. cool. too bad i was there with 2 guys. hmm... reminded me of her again. think i saw a shooting star btw, its quite cool, but i dun believe in wishing.

left the place at 3+. and i realised something. i need to spend more $$$ on the car! haha...wana sell off certain things that i bought on impulse and add on other stuff that looks really cool. whats left to do now is to look for suckers willing to buy them from me. bwahahaha....

and back to today (thur)....went for the motorshow with agacia and fiona. really lots of cool cars man...but then again...whats a motorshow without all the "wow" cars right? they told me not to give up on her, dont concede defeat juz like that, shes probably juz blinded by the date. they dun really like the guy anyway...hmm...gave me some advice on i can do if i really want her back as well. i do want her back...really...but i duno...lets juz wait n see how things turn out after hes back...
went to rouge with them after that. patsy n her were there as well. hmm...think she looks really good tonite, in red (or was it orange?) tank top n denim skirt. nice to see her again.
got to test drive agacia's penelope as well. its a good car man. too bad she dun push it hard enough, the handling is good.
had lotsa fun today. took lots of pics at the motorshow, had fun at rouge even though its r&b.

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had lots of time for the past few days...did some thinking. kinda realised that we are nothing but the consequence of our choices and decisions. we have choices placed before us constantly and we have to decide what to do, which way to go. we may seek opinions from frens and relatives but ultimately, WE are still responsible for making our own choices, based on our beliefs and our judgement. should things not turn out as expected in the end, we have no one to blame but ourselves. and we shouldn't regret making wrong decisions, it'll only make us feel miserable and stuff. learn from it instead.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things - Epictetus

Choose to look at the physical imperfections of someone, or look deeper and see the beauty within.

Choose to be depressed and demoralized after a bad experience, or pick yourself up and learn from it.
Anyone can make a mistake. A fool insists on repeating them - Robertine Maynard

Choose to revel in the thrill and adrenaline rush of speeding along the long straight expressway late at nite and risk getting booked, or cruise along with the windows wound down while relaxing and enjoying the cool nite air.

Choose to sit on your butt all day staring at the screen, or get that lazy ass moving and look for a job.

Choose to scoop away at the tub of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the TV, or go to the park for some real exercise.

Choose to wait for 14 Feb to do something sweet and romantic, or declare the following Saturday a Valentines Day and make someone really happy.
apparently i chose to do the former while someone else did the latter....so....yeah.

Choose to indulge and bulge, grow fat and die, or resist the temptations and lead a healthier lifestyle.
But then again, the only way to resist a temptation is to give in to it - Oscar Wilde

Choose to recognize your inadequacies and improve on them, or live in denial and insist that everything is fine.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours - Richard Bach

Choose to plan your route in advance, or drive around in circles in search of your destination.

everyone makes wrong choices, things dun go according to plan all the time. face it. its how we get up, learn, and make the most of the experience that actually makes us grow. most of us do not have the time to waste on repeating the same mistake or making the same wrong decision twice.

like how Alanis Morisetts's song goes:

Swallow it down
(what a jagged little pill)….

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn
You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

sometimes i really hate it when people start to blame everything and everyone BUT themselves whenever something unpleasant happens. my mum is a good example but lets not go there.....

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i really feel that some of my best thinking happens when im bathing. i can suddenly recall where i left my stuff and things that need to be done. flashbacks of past events. memories. some weird random thoughts on my life so far...etc etc. and its not the first time this has happened. i read an article in the papers sometime back about this. some really bored researchers with nothing better to do did a study on this and found that many people actually agree. Interesting. Wonder why.

and i went for an interview before the motorshow. its for a pub job. suits me fine. i love the night, n more so working at a pub. hope i get it. worked at a small pub once and it was really fun.
but cant believe im gona be serving people again. i dun like to go around calling people "sirs" and stuff. I dun even call the officers "sir" back in army, usually address them by their rank n name, like "Captain David", "Major Derek", unless they are really high ranking and i know and respect them. it probably dun make much of a difference to most people but well, its juz me. im like that.
remember there was once i walked past a General without even greeting him. think he was kind of anticipating some sort of greeting from me coz he smiled. haha...but then again hes a nerd, and nerdy Generals cant be bothered with small issues like this.

good. emptied whatevers on my mind.

The person i miss most is the one i could have been